I feel like doing something different today, so for the day, I’ve decided to dedicate my Twitter stream to a theme: Reasons I’m Thinking Of Becoming A Rapper.
If you’re on Twitter, add me to stay tuned to the updates.
I’ll update this post at the end of the day with the entire compilation of Reasons I’m Thinking Of Becoming A Rapper (no, I’m not serious and yes, it’s meant as a playful meme).
Below is the compiled list that I posted throughout the day on Twitter:
- So I can date Mya (that’s her only pre-req right?).
- So I’m allowed to drive motor vehicles while intoxicated. Yung Berg told me it was legal if I’m an artist.
- So I can talk like E-40 for a day and nobody would sue my childhood schoolboard.
- So I can make money while rehearsing for a spelling bee. (d-a-m-n-f-a-b-o-l-o-u-s-a-n-d-b-o-o-s-i-e).
- So I can make 1 semi-hit & stay relevant for years thanks to roundabout mixtapes, street DVDs & WorldStarHipHop.
- So I can get a deal, sign all my bwoys so they can move out of their mommas & then drop em when I realize how much they mooch.
- So I don’t have to pay for clothing, restaurants, equipment & can get paid to go to the club.
- So I can blame everybody else around me when my record doesn’t sell & I can’t book a show.
- So that I can be on MTV, BET & VladTV.
- So that I can get my own shoe line & possibly make $100 million off of fancy Kool-Aid.
- So I can hire T-Wayne for a hot single, have it blow up and then realize they got paid more than I did on my own record.
- So I can hire Cory Gunz to ghostwrite for me & Marcus Troy to ghostblog for me.
- So I can end up in random facebook pics with people pointing at me or doing the “kiss peace” pose.
- So I can complain about how I’m portrayed in the media & then do an even worse job with my own web videos.
- So I can rent out a mansion, luxury cars & print stage money for my video, then go home & ask my mom what’s for dinner.
- So I can get signed to a label, get paid a retainer to stay on the roster & never have any products released. Just 1 guest spot.
- So I can land a movie role without any acting experience & being spoon-fed the audition.
- So I can charge upcoming rappers for a recycled verse that I do on all their songs. JR Writer told me it was cool.
- So I can impress girls with a shopping spree that’s actually being paid for by the bigger rapper that I signed to.
- So I can call myself a smart rapper if I sell & a conscious rapper if I don’t.
- So I can lose the few fans I did have by videotaping myself burning a brick of cash ($100,000) during a recession.
This was a freestyled idea that I thought of doing 10 minutes before I posted it; and true to a freestyle, I’m sure there are several things I probably could’ve mentioned but didn’t think of on the spot.
Regardless, it was just for jokes. Nothing more.
Now I have to think of something else to do next.